I was in Denver last week, and while I was there, I found out that Walli had lost her battle with cancer.
Walli was a huge part of my life when growing up. She was our youth leader for the church youth group. I became very close to her during those years, mostly high school. I spent many an afternoon at her house eating grilled cheese sandwiches and drinking coke.
What I remember the most about Walli is that she never got angry, and she should have many times, and that she never judged us. I would tell her things I was doing, most of them were not very good. I was experimenting with alcohol and was dating girls. She would listen to everything I said and then she would point out that some of these things could cause long term problems if I wasn't careful. She never said, "don't do that", she would just explain the consequences to me, like I was an adult or something.
I remember when I got busted for driving without a license. She knew I was doing this, and cautioned me against it. When I finally did get in trouble, she was there. She helped me by allowing me to work off my community service at the church.
I remember another time in which she showed more restraint that any person I have ever seen to this day. She took us to a weekend church retreat, we were getting kinda old for this stuff, we were probably 16 by now. We did nothing but get in huge trouble the whole weekend, I know we embarrassed her and our church. She never got mad. She was quiet on the way home, but she never blew up at us. We knew we had let her down, she didn't need to say anything. That was how Walli was, you always knew where you stand, just by her actions. She didn't need to yell to get a point across.
I knew she was battling cancer for some time, and I even moved into her neighborhood last summer. I just couldn't get the courage to go see her. It was just too hard for me to see her vulnerable, she was the last person in the world I would expect to be in her position. It just isn't right. It was selfish of me, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.
If I had have found the courage to see her, I would have told her how much she meant to me in my life when growing up. I needed her and she was always there for me, or anyone for that matter. I hope she knew how much she meant to me and I can only hope that my kids will have someone like Walli in their lives when they are teenagers.
2 comments:
Walli was indeed a special lady who was always trying to turn us to the good side. I remember going down with you to her place and getting the 'one' soda she'd let us have while she cooked us a grilled cheese. I also remember that we were usually skipping class to do this :-). She seemed that if we were going to skip, she'd rather have us visit her than get into trouble elsewhere.
One of the many other aspects I loved about her was that even though she was the youth group leader and we met through the church, she was not a bible preacher. When moralizing, she didn't have to fall back on 'Jesus says' or 'well, the bible in book X, phrase Y, says....'. For me, that was a huge plus. I've never been much of a traditional religious follower and when people resort to 'jesus says', to me it sounded too much like 'we're your parents and you'll do it cuz we say so'. I need reasons.
Walli gave reasons. Walli used real words like respect, honor, love and empathy. She herself embodied each of the ideals she wanted us to learn to adhere to. She was the perfect example-based teacher without one ounce of pride although if you think she was a push-over, you never met her. As you have pointed out Craig, she spoke to us as adults and provided a judgement-free environment. She provided an example and the breadcrumbs and allowed us to grasp the valuable concepts of adulthood at our own pace.
What a great human being and I thank the universe for allowing me to know her for the time that I did. I had not seen her for years and years myself of course -- since Kelly Prentice's wedding. Sometimes life is like that of course. I have 'faith' that she knew how we all felt and I know that if anyone deserves to be in a place called 'heaven', it's her.
One favor sir. Don't beat yourself up and regret anything for the rest of your life. Forgive yourself as YOU KNOW, that she would forgive you. Great blog sir.
Walli knew the place she had in your life. Do not despair or regret - she touched many lives, that was her calling. Some she saw in recent years, some attended her memorial and hundreds were not present or will ever be known to us. She knows and He knows that you cared for her and the memories you hold are sufficient repayment for all the acts of kindness she shared with you. And me. :) -your sis
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